Monday Movie Milkshake!

Well actually it's a review, but the title was far more catchy when it contained three M's.  This Monday was rather uneventful for me,  just the usual routine really.  Wake up, wrestle pet Gorilla, brush teeth, fend off vampire hordes, eat breakfast, inform a group of preschoolers that Santa doesn't exist, blah blah blah blah.

So instead of today's update being about something boring like my day, instead I decided it's about time I revisit my old hobby of driving creative things into the ground using words instead of fists!  The tears of wannabe artists never fails to satisfy me..

So I present to you...

MARVELOUS MOVIES WITH NIQUE LIVESHITZ 

Before we begin with the review, first let me explain how my own personal ratings system works, as I don't believe in using stars or thumbs to represent how wonderful or terrible a movie is.

I judge movies based on the following categories:

Jolliness: This is how FUN the film was to watch, regardless of things like plot or acting.

 Artsy/Fartsy: This is how much the film made me think, or alternatively, puke.

Nitty Picky: This is how good all that other crap is, like acting, writing, editing, blah blah blah.

Couch Spuds: Finally, in this section I will tell you what sort of people will enjoy this film. Expect lots of generalizations folks!

Now that that's settled, let's get started.  The movie I will be reviewing for your pleasures today is....

Oh bloody hell I forgot.

Not Much to Say Today So...

Just enjoy this stylish portrait of me in front of some hip and modern paint splotches! 

The "NL" stands for "Nique Liveshitz" in case you were confused.

Adventures in JollyWood

Oh?  What's that you say?  You say that there is no such place as JollyWood?  I DENY your doubt young doubter! The famed "HollyWood" that you modern folk seem to all be so fond of, wasn't always called that.  As a matter of fact, it wasn't even in the same place!  Nope, the hill that those over-sized letters occupy was MOVED to California after the downfall of the previous city, JollyWood.

Rare Photo of the Original Sign

Ah yes I remember JollyWood, the ruined island of all my childhood memories. I as born there after all, when my parents were using the island as a refuge from some sort of government agent or something of the like. JollyWood was the place to be if you wanted adventure, excitement and danger.  After sneaking your way through the front gates, and past the mechanical guards, JollyWood was yours to explore!  I remember battling my way through armies of mutant lion creatures, radiated butlers, and when I was just 7 years of age, slicing off the head of a slimy mutant pig we named Trogg! I still keep it's snout-nosed head in my study as memorabilia.  JollyWood wasn't all fun and games though. Despite the fun of all the creatures, mutants, and questionable experiments, there was one group of evil beings that were simply too powerful to overcome... Producers.

The Producers were unlike any villains I've ever come across before.  They didn't rely on stealth, strength, or brains to unleash their devious plans, they relied...on money.  I could mow down armies of creatures without breaking a sweat, but the power of the dollar bill was something I could not overcome.  Soon the Producers spread their dastardly influence throughout JollyWood, transforming the once simple inhabitants into money-grubbing actors, designers, and teamsters.. I gazed in horror as before my eyes all of the robots, mutants and pig-men were consumed by the green papery virus.

Eventually I escaped JollyWood, but JollyWood would never be the same.  What used to be a place of adventure, danger, and my childhood dreams, was now a place of creativity and money-making businesses.  Those Producers finally took JollyWood with them into the land of money, and as a last sick gesture, changed its name to "HollyWood" after the vile Producer who first led her titanic army into the land..."Miss Holly".

Miss Holly will pay dearly for her corruption of my childhood home, she will pay through her nasal nostrils!  I will get my revenge, or my name isn't Nique Liveshitz!!

Apologies for my sudden fit of rage, but as you can tell, this place meant a lot to me.