CyberSPACED!

As you may have noticed, my last blog post was somewhere around December 13th, making it a little over a month since my last adventure.  Admittedly, I was rather busy with the Holidays for most of December, and a small incident involving egg nog and a rather traumatized beagle led to much clean-up afterwards.

All that aside though, something far more interesting occurred during the past couple of weeks.  Something that not only kept me from posting on this lovely blog, but nearly resulted in my death.  This my friends, is my survival story.

Cyber Nique

It all began on that dark and dreary January night.  The wind was howling like an angry old cat, and the heavy thumping of the storm kept me awake in my secret cabin hidden in the forest.  Gorgo's computer had been shut off for days since the Christmas party incident, and stood on it's wooden desk, lifeless.  I stared at its blank screen as I shivered beneath my bear-skin blanket.  There it was, just taunting me with its lifeless expression, when suddenly a lightning bolt came crashing down through my window rather rudely and jump-started that smug little machine.  The humming sound was followed by the screen lighting back up, the words "Gorgo's Computer" adorning the blank blue start up screen. 

I leaped up and dashed over to the computer as I frantically typed in Gorgo's name, and then hovered the little black arrow to the section titled "enter password".  I quickly tried to recall what Gorgo set his password to, but the violent sound of the storm warned me I hadn't much time before the computer shut off again and all hopes of being able to update my blog from my log cabin would be forever lost.  I hurriedly typed in what I had presumed to be some sort of computer code.  "Enter, Alt, U".  The computer began humming loudly as it accepted my request, and then precisely two seconds later, a bright flash from the screen blinded me temporarily as I felt my body being tickled by what felt like a dozen black pointy computer arrows.

When my eyesight returned, I found myself in a place unlike any I've seen before, which is actually saying quite a lot for me, after all I've vacationed inside volcanoes before.  As I looked around me, I first noticed that the rain and wind had stopped, then I noticed that I was standing in a near-empty black void decorated with glowing blue grid-lines.  It was pretty obvious of course, as to what "Enter, Alt, U" really meant.  ENTER ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.  I suppose I couldn't really blame the computer for digitally transporting me into this strange cyberspace, as I was technically the one who requested it.

I looked around the empty black cyber void as I searched for some kind of way out, and eventually came across a large neon blue sign with flashing letters that read "WWW" beside a swirling vortex of digits and numbers.  Seeing as how there weren't too many other options glowing around me, I dove blindly into the World Wide Web, unaware that I was diving into my own personal hell.

After being violently coughed out of the receding end of the vortex, I found myself standing in a eerily blank white room, where a single, ever-smiling woman stood on a small square box in front of me. 

"Welcome to the internet, I'm Google and where would you like to go today?"

I was puzzled by the question, and took my cyber-hat off as I attempted a valid reply.

"Yes, well I'm sorry ma'am but I don't want to be going anywhere but home.  Any chance you can just beam me back into my dimension and we can call it a day?"

Her smile remained unchanging as she attempted to take in what I was requesting.

"Home.  Right away sir!  May I ask for your name and address so I can send you letters telling you what sort of things you should buy?"

"No I'll just go home thank you."

The white room suddenly starting flashing what was probably thousands upon thousands of pictures, mostly consisting of deformed children and cats in various degrading poses.  Eventually the flashing came to a stop as I found myself hurled into yet another empty room, although this time with considerably stranger people.  One blank-faced male man saw me upon my crash-landing and rushed up to me excitedly. 


"Hey there!  We're talking about the word 'HOME' in our Wiki, would you like to tell us interesting facts about homes?"

The man then promptly handed me what appeared to be a torn page from Webster's dictionary, with the word HOME highlighted, then followed by what appeared to be various definitions added in with a ballpoint pen, presumably the same one the man was currently handing to me.

"Add to it!"

It was at this point I realized that getting home was going to be a bit more difficult than I thought.

To be Continued...