Chocolate Chip Gentleman

As you may very well know, I had an exclusive interview with myself a couple of weeks back.  You may or may not recall depending on how interested you actually were in discovering more about the marvelous man that is myself, but during that interview I stated I would like to have been born as a chocolate chip cookie. 

So today, rather than detail you about my latest and grandest adventures, (which will most likely be saved for the next update) I will detail the reasoning behind that one rather intruiging statement I made.

Now without further ado, I give you today's update:

Why it would be Fabulous to be a Chocolate Chip Cookie

1. You would always have a tasty snack at your disposal.  Some may think eating oneself is a disgusting habit, what with most people being made of raw squishy flesh and whatnot, but imagine if you were a COOKIE.  Cookies are generally known for their chewy delights, and what could be better than having the luxury to be able to break off a piece of yourself anytime you feel like giving your taste buds a treat?

2. The ladies would adore you.  This is somewhat related to reason number one, in that it's due to you being one hunk of a tasty snack.  Of course the downside to this would be that ladies would simply adore you on a very superficial level, but who knows?  There has to be a few ladies out there who are caring enough to see beyond the superficial crunchy shell that is the cookie man.

3.  You could harness the power of chocolate.  This one is pretty self-explanatory I'd imagine, so I won't bother explaining it.  But those of you who don't understand, all you need to know is that there is no greater force in this world than chocolate.  You ever see those Star Wars films where the cloaked bloke kills a man by lifting his hand in the air for a couple of seconds?  That's mere child's play when compared to the power of chocolate.

4.  You could be buried in a coffin filled with milk.  Seriously, who doesn't want that?

Well that's all I can muster for today my fellow readers, tune in next time for another one of my exciting adventures!  Cheers!

Talking to Myself

So as you may have noticed, last week was a quiet one for this here blog of mine.  "Quiet" meaning a complete absence of updates.  This somewhat conflicted with my blog's slogan: "A new adventure every weekday!"  which in retrospect, should probably read something along the lines of "A new adventure every day I feel like it!" but that one sounds less professional.

Of course the day I start beating myself up over not updating this blog is the day someone lands a big fat check on my doorstep for doing this every bloody weekday.  But honestly, last week was thanksgiving week, and everybody was probably too busy stuffing themselves with stuffing anyway, so I somewhat doubt anyone noticed the lack of updates.  That being said, let's put all that behind us and get on with today's update:

 Nique Liveshitz's EXCLUSIVE interview with the famous gentleman, Nique Liveshitz!

(AKA: Nique's Interview with his bathroom mirror)


Nique Q:  I must say good sir, it's an honor to be talking to you right now, and I am very grateful for the time you have given me for this interview.  I'm sure our readers will be thrilled!


Liveshitz A: Yes yes of course of course, anything for my loyal fans.

Nique Q: So tell us, how have you managed to keep such a stunning, burly, handsome figure for so many years?

Liveshitz A: *Laughs merrily* Yes well that is one of my best-kept secrets my friend.  I keep a mysterious diet book to dictate my eating habits, which changes on a day-to-day basis.  I also make sure to brush my muscles and flex my teeth every morning.  And no, I didn't mix those two up, trust me. *Flashes a white smile*

Nique Q: Absolutely stupendous.  Well then, a lot of our readers have been dying to ask you lately: Is that suit and top hat the same suit and top hat you wear every day or do you have a whole drawer full of them?

 Liveshitz A: That's a stupid question and I refuse to answer it.  Also, on an unrelated note, what's so wrong with wearing the same thing everyday?  Is there some sort of law against being consistent?

Nique Q: Ok.....next question! If you could be any animal, what would it be?

Liveshitz A: A chocolate chip cookie.

Nique Q: Um... sorry sir, but a cookie is not an animal..

Liveshitz A: Pardon me, but are you a zoologist of any sort?

Nique Q: Well no but..

Liveshitz A: So you're not an expert on what defines an animal then are you?

Nique Q: Not technically no, but it's really just-

Liveshitz A: I would be a cookie then.  End of story.  Now if you'll excuse me I have some agents to throttle.  More specifically mine.  For arranging this whole silly interview.  Good day sir.

Nique Q: But Liveshitz sir, we're not done-


Liveshitz A: Cheers!  *Jumps out of window, or more realistically speaking, the mirror.*