Not long after the nefarious Dr. Zodiac left to reign chaos upon the rest of the internet with his large troll-like minion through the Google vortex, I noticed a strange message engraved into the floor of my prison cell had suddenly appeared. In large, exaggerated letters, it read: "CONGRATULATIONS MR. LIVESHITZ! YOU'VE JUST BEEN SELECTED TO WIN A FREE IPOD TOUCH! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!"
Not knowing what an "i"Pod was or why I would want to touch it, I curiously placed my virtual-index finger onto the surface of the letters. A my finger came into contact, an alarmingly loud beep sounded I was once again hurled through cyberspace at an even more nauseating rate than usual. Eventually I plummeted into a large white room filled with various electronics and prizes, with stiff-faced suited men all standing next to the products, donning white-teeth smiles and pockets filled with empty promises. As I stood up rather awkwardly, trying to retain my balance, one of the men rushed up to me. Being a salesman of course, he stood so close to me our noses practically shared the same living space as he talked to me.
"Good evening sir! Would you kindly give me all access to any money you might have so I can send you your FREE iPod Touch?"
A few cyber-minutes later, once I finally brushed off all the salesman blood off my gentlemanly knuckles, I tipped my hat to what remained of the suited fellows, and called upon the Google vortex.
"No time for chit-chat Miss Google Lady, I have some unfinished business to take care of. Take me to Dr. Zodiac if you please."
This time Google lady simply smiled at me as she sent me flying through the world wide web. Saying but one thing: "Kick his cyber-arse for me, Mr. Livshitz."
As I flew out of the vortex, I found myself surrounded by chaos, presumably one of Dr. Zodiac's viral lairs of evil, judging by the excessive sound of screaming that drifted through the website's cyber-air. I looked up at the site's logo to see what sort of madhouse Zodiac had created through his evil.
 |
| YouTube:Pure Evil |
Of course, it all made sense now! Dr. Zodiac wasn't just planning on destroying MY blog, he was planning on destroying ALL HUMAN INTELLIGENCE. As I looked around me, it all became more and more clear. Everywhere I looked, people were acting like morons. Films of people's children quoting popular science fiction movies, films of fat people falling, films of various animals donning funny hats, and films of people crying over celebrities! Dr. Zodiac had gone too far this time.
"Mr. Shitz!"
I looked up as I saw Dr. Zodiac standing atop a tower of morons, looking down at me with hate-filled eyes.
"I see you've managed to escape my lair....No matter, as your already too late! How do you like my work? Simply genius isn't it? By creating a site where ANYONE can be a celebrity by acting like morons, I've successfully drained the internet, and thus the WORLD of all human intelligence! As more people create stupid videos, and as more people are praised for being idiotic, the more my power over all life on earth will increase!"
Dr. Zodiac cackled his turkey cackle as he rose his arms in victory.
"Nothing can stop me now! YouTube will triumph, and man will fall!"
As the power-crazed Dr. Zodiac laughed on, a sudden surge of Gentlemanly energy hit me like lightning, and I tossed my cyber-hat towards his tower of morons.
"Not if I have anything to say about it!"
As the hat spun like a disc towards Dr. Zodiac's YouTube tower, it smacked into a particularly large fat man, causing him to topple over rather comically. As the fat man fell, all the other morons soon followed, and Dr. Zodiac began losing his balance.
"Hahahaha haha- What? No! My moronic YouTubers! Stop falling!"
My hat spun back around and returned to my head as I gazed upon the toppling moron tower.
"You made one grave mistake Zodiac! You may be able to turn the world to morons, but you can't control them!"
I lifted my fist high into the air as Dr. Zodiac lost his balance, falling down towards me.
"Cuuuuuurse youuuuuuuuu Shiiiiiitz!"
As he fell, I jumped up and twirled my fist as it suddenly came into contact with his stomach, knocking the cyber-air out of his lungs as I drove the other fist into his smug face, sending him flying into Internet Oblivion: Myspace.
Aftermath: Soon after Zodiac's reign over YouTube ended, the morons he once ruled over began to grow as a people, and eventually went out and regained their lives. Zodiac started a blog on Myspace, which no one ever read. As for me, I was eventually transported back to the real world with the help of my internet-savvy Gorilla Gorgo, after he googled me and found me stranded on Wikipedia.
Thus ends my adventure into the world of the internet, and if things go my way, I hope it's the last.
Cheers! And Thank you for all those who support and read my blog! You saved my life folks, whether you know it or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment