Another day, another fit of "Rummage Fever". Once again I found myself rummaging through my old memory box today, where all my trinkets and gizmos from past adventures lie in the dust. Pushing aside the cold frozen heart I had once yanked from the demonic bowels of the Frost Troll, I came across this old propaganda poster featuring one of my arch-nemesis', "Mother Betty".
I never really figured out exactly why she insisted on being called "Mother". I mean, she didn't have any kids of her own or anything, unless you counted her stuffed cat "DeeWee". Gugghh....That thing always had this creepy, ominous glare, like it was staring into the darkest pits of your soul..
Hm, I seem to be getting off track here, back to my story! Mother Betty as I recall, first stepped into the public eye the day she stormed the town with her massive metallic "Betty Boomer", a large rusted military tank with a fresh coat of pink paint over it. I'm still not entirely sure how she got the tank, or where she got all the pink paint, I assume she must have rented it out from our convenient weapons shop owner down the street. Anyway, so as Betty was rolling through the streets, her curly pink hair peaking out of the shuttle like a curious prairie dog, she was also shouting loudly into a microphone.
"Women's rights are overrated! Stop trying to be more than what you are! We are women and we should NOT fight our natural place as housewives and cooking mothers!"
There was a lot of hostility in the air as she was passing by groups of feminists, and a lot of hooting and cheering when she passed by the construction workers, who then began to follow The Betty Boomer down the street, causing a stream of riots throughout the working men in the city.
"The apron is our uniform!" Betty shouted as she rolled over and crushed a parked car.
During the chaos I was busily reading the days' paper, leaned back on a cushy chair, and listening to the frantic squeaking sound of both of my shoes getting shined at once, by two different orphans. The soothing sound of child labor was soon drowned out by the large mob of men following what looked like a somewhat unattractive woman in a pink tank with a very large mouth. I thought nothing of it at first, assuming it as some sort of bizzare festival of some sort, until my Gentleman senses kicked in and I heard the frantic cry of a young woman!
I kicked off the orphans and straightened my bow tie as I headed for the call of distress. I came across a ruined, crushed street, with a large mob of woman grouped around in the middle speaking. I decided to investigate and I snuck my way into the conversation seamlessly.
"Who is this Betty Woman?" A young lady said in an angry tone.
"She's a self-hating sexist!" Said another.
"Shopping, Clothes, Tom Cruise!" I said in my high toned womanly voice.
I was suddenly seiged by many woman eyes, as they all shifted to look at me. I twirled my mustache proudly and stood tall.
"Hello ladies, my name is Nique Liveshitz. Gentleman by nature, Crime fighter by impulse, I couldn't help but notice you all seem to be terribly bothered by the lady in the tank over there."
They all exchanged confused glances and looked back at me. "We are BOTHERED because that so-called woman not only ruined our Woman Pride Parade, but also she is spreading terrible messages to the men in this town about woman not needing rights! She's trying to turn the men against us!"
I gargled and spit on the floor as I finished brushing my teeth, and shot the ladies a handsomely white smile.
"Ladies, it is my duty to as a gentleman to protect the gals and their rights, I will see to it that this lass is dealt with, and then I will purchase valuable rings for all of you!" With those words I hitched up my pants and sped off to face the pink sexist menace!
THIS EXCITING BLOG ADVENTURE TO BE CONTINUED!
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