SOS!!

This is not Nique Liveshitz, this is Henry Bollocks.  Nique left to go shopping for hats or something, and I took this opportunity to get on his blog to let everyone know that NIQUE IS INSANE!  I'm currently fasstened to a giant chair, rendering my arms uselesss.  I have resssorted to typing this disstresss message with my toesssssssssssss,  Damn ssticky key! Theresss a ssalad stuck in it! Let me sssee if I can get it.
ssssssssssaassssssssss ssssssa ssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Ah there we go!

I arrived at Liveshitz Manor when delivering a pizza to the Liveshitz guy.  After taking my pizza, he claimed he had simply no cash no him, and would it be ok if I pay him later.  I told him no and called BS, referring to his hat, suit, and MASSIVE MANSION.  He told me he was gong to retrieve his checkbook, and left momentarily.  When he returned, he was holding what appeared to be a large phonebook with a massive green checkmark hastily painted onto it's cover. 

Before I could ask him what it was, he smacked me across the noggin and exclaimed something along the lines of "Looks like this check just BOUNCED!".  He said some other things as well, but luckily I passed out before getting to hear them.

I woke up and found myself in an empty room, entirely made of marble.  My head hurt and I was still dizzy from the large smack on the head earlier.  When I gathered my thoughts, I then realized that I couldn't move my arms or legs, what with them being tied up to a chair and all.  That crazy mustached man walked in just then, with that freakish pet gorilla walking by his side.  He approached me, and stopped in front of my face, putting his cane down against the marble floor. 

"Tell me, Delivery boy, do you respect women?"

I was puzzled by this statement, and replied with an equally puzzled tone.

"I think so?"

Nique furrowed his brow and slammed the cane against the floor again with an echoed CLANK!

"Tut tut tut little delivery boy.  Tut tut tut.  You say you respect women?  Bah!  I spit on your nonsense! "  He started hocking something big in the back of his throat, but luckily he accidentally swallowed it before continuing on, somewhat embarrassed.

"You know how I know you don't respect women?  Because you don't respect yourself boy!  Look at that greasy hair, those clammy palms, that hideous facial expression of constant confusion!"

This was getting weird, so I decided to just ask him bluntly about what the hell was going on.

"Did you kidnap me for the pizza or because you saw my hair was greasy?"

His facial expression turned from anger to dumbfounded as he pondered the question.

"Hm.  I don't quite know actually, I'll get back to you on that."

And with that, he left me in that marble room, slamming the door on his way out, leaving me in isolation.  For days I've been scooting this chair closer and closer to the exit, and only now do I have a single strand of hope about me.

He'll be back soon, so I'll wrap this up.  PLEASE COME AND SAVE ME FROM THIS FANCY DRESSED MORON! PLEASE!!

-Henry Bollocks