Viva La Revolution!

This Wednesday has been rather lifeless for the most part.  Me and my pet Gorilla Gordo acted as fat sloths today as we sat on our expensive, yet not too comfy, marble couch.  Watching television has always been a favorite hobby of mine, along with arranging gladiator fights between gangs of angry mothers.

Anyway, Gordo was quite insistent on watching the Discovery Channel, who were showing a documentary on the reproductive habits of apes in the wild, (Not bloody likely I'm sitting through that again) and so he kept trying to wrestle the remote control out of my hands.  Eventually our tussle over the thing caused it to go flying out the window and plop directly into the many leftover meats I was unable to sell a few days ago.

Seeing that it would be near impossible to retrieve it from the hive of parasitic worms that were currently building a 50's esque neighborhood in the meat, I decided to design and build my own revolutionary remote controller!

I call it: The Revolutionary Remote Controller 2000!

Here are it's many useful features:

1. Fold in/Fold out Switchblade used to slice off the fingers of anyone who attempts to take your control.

2. Pause, Play, and Stop Buttons used to Pause, Play, and Stop whatever your watching.

3. Thumb rest.  For those tiresome, channel flipping days.

4. Folded Switchblade

5. MEGA REWIND and FAST-FORWARD

6. Boring old regular rewind and fast-forward.

7. Volume and Channel control for wheel.

8. Comfy pads for those aching man hands.


 Continued Over There...<<

9. Volume/Channel Control Wheel, for speedy flipping! 

10. Detachable bottom for Garbage Disposal


11. Garbage Disposal Hole for grinding up those candy wrappers! Caution: Fingers may be mistaken for wrappers.

12. Finally, the power button!  Located at the very bottom due to its rare use.